6 Things That Can Make or Break Your Relationship

Think your love is unshakeable? Even the strongest partnerships can face hidden pitfalls. Small issues—unspoken words, hurt feelings, misunderstandings—can quietly erode a relationship’s foundation. At the same time, making small positive changes can strengthen your bond and pave the way to lasting happiness. In this article, we’ll dive deep into six critical factors that can make or break your relationship. We’ll explore practical solutions, expert advice, and even a few surprising facts (like why 65% of therapists say communication is the #1 cause of divorce). Whether you’re newly dating or married for decades, understanding these elements will help you build emotional connection and lasting trust, avoid common dating mistakes, and follow the best relationship success tips.

Image: A couple bridges the distance through communication, showing that small acts of connection (even via phone) can strengthen a relationship.

Relationships thrive on everyday moments of connection. Famed psychologist John Gottman found that “turning toward each other’s emotional bids” – even tiny gestures or comments – makes couples much more likely to stay together. In short, how you communicate and respond is as important as what you say. In the sections below, we break down six game-changing factors, from Communication is Key to Neglect Kills Love, and show clear solutions for each. Along the way, you’ll find expert-backed insights, bullet lists and tables of do’s and don’ts, plus [Read more: Effective Communication Strategies for Couples] and other links to help you dig deeper. Let’s get started!

Communication is Key

The way couples talk to each other can make or break a relationship. In fact, poor communication is cited as a leading cause of breakups and divorce; one survey found that 65% of therapists say communication issues are the main reason their clients split. Healthy communication in marriage means active listening, understanding, and empathy. It’s about sharing feelings honestly without attacking. For example, saying “I feel upset when…” instead of “You never…” can prevent defensiveness.

Key practices for better communication include:

• Active Listening: Truly focus on your partner’s words and emotions. Don’t just hear them—listen. Ask clarifying questions and reflect back what you heard. This ensures you’re on the same page and makes your partner feel valued.
• Use “I” Statements: Replace blame with feelings. Instead of “You always ignore me,” try “I feel unheard when I get cut off.” Phrasing concerns from your perspective reduces defensiveness.
• Stay Calm and Kind: Avoid name-calling or yelling. Keep your tone respectful even during disagreements. If emotions run high, pause the conversation and agree to revisit it later.
• Focus on Solutions: Instead of rehashing every past grievance, tackle one issue at a time. Work together to find compromise or changes that make both happy.
• Validate and Empathize: Acknowledge your partner’s feelings, even if you see things differently. A simple “I understand this upsets you” can go a long way.

Image: A couple engages in a serious conversation. Open, calm communication can resolve conflicts before they escalate.

Here’s a quick reference to common communication pitfalls and positive approaches:

Each partner should make communication a daily habit. Share how your day went, check in about feelings, and talk about issues early before resentment builds. Don’t assume mind-reading—be clear about needs. Over time, good communication acts like relationship cement, keeping you connected through both good times and bad. [Read more: How to Communicate with Your Partner]

Trust Takes Time

Trust is the bedrock of intimacy. Without it, even great communication can’t hold a relationship together. Trust takes time to build and moments to shatter. When trust is strong, couples feel safe opening up; when it’s weak, jealousy or insecurity can seep in.

Common trust-breakers include secrets (hidden finances or passwords), past infidelity, or continually broken promises. For example, repeatedly canceling plans at the last minute or lying about small things can chip away at trust. Over time, these “little lies” teach the brain to doubt the relationship.

Building trust is a gradual process. Here’s what experts say helps (and hurts):

• Be Honest and Transparent: Own your mistakes immediately, apologize, and show how you’ll do better. Hiding problems only lets doubt fester. For instance, Verywellmind advises that an important step is to “be honest and forthcoming when you violate expectations or hurt one another” and then actively work to repair the damage.
• Keep Your Commitments: Do what you say you will. If you promised to handle a chore or make plans, follow through. Consistency signals reliability.
• Share Feelings Openly: If something worries you (like a temptation or financial stress), share it rather than hiding it. Secrecy erodes trust. A transparent partner who welcomes tough talks makes you feel more secure.
• Be Patient: Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Apologizing once isn’t enough; consistency over weeks or months shows genuine change. Verywellmind emphasizes patience: it “may take time to rebuild trust, but continuing to work toward improving your relationship can help you eventually mend those connections”.
• Listen and Empathize: Let your partner express their fears and doubts. Validate their feelings even if they seem unfair. Sometimes just hearing “I understand how much this hurts you” can begin healing.

When trust is low, consider couples therapy or honest check-ins where each partner speaks without interruption. Remember: trust is a two-way street. Both partners need to contribute by being reliable, respectful, and vulnerable in healthy ways. [Read more: How to Build Trust in a Relationship]

Respect and Boundaries

Every person has boundaries—personal limits on what they find acceptable emotionally, physically, or mentally. Mutual respect in a relationship means understanding and honoring those boundaries. Ignoring boundaries can lead to resentment and conflict. In fact, lack of respect or boundary-crossing can slowly kill love.

Examples of boundaries include time alone, financial independence, family obligations, personal space, and even emotional topics. Respecting your partner’s boundaries shows that you care about their well-being.

Setting boundaries might sound awkward, but experts stress it actually helps relationships survive and thrive. As one counselor notes, expressing a boundary the right way can keep the relationship healthy. In the words of one guide, a boundary, no matter how fair or necessary, should be delivered with kindness and honesty — “while it’s necessary we set this boundary, it’s because we value the relationship and wish not only to keep it intact, but make it healthier”.

Some key tips for boundaries and respect:

• Clarify Needs: First, each partner identifies what they need more or less of (e.g., more date nights, less financial stress). Honest self-reflection prevents vague arguments later.
• Communicate Kindly: Talk about boundaries calmly. Use “I” statements (e.g. “I feel ______ when this happens, so I need ______.”). This shows respect instead of blame.
• Be Consistent: Once a boundary is set, follow through on its consequences. If you said you’d spend Sundays together, don’t ditch plans for something else. Consistency builds trust in the boundary itself.
• Listen and Respect: When your partner says “no” or needs space, accept it without guilt. Respect their pace on things like intimacy, social plans, or life goals. Avoid guilt-tripping or pressuring them.
• Revisit Boundaries: Over time, needs change. Check in regularly—something like “How are we doing with our boundaries lately?” can avoid unmet expectations.

Image: Setting and respecting boundaries (even in small things like privacy or personal space) shows mutual respect and keeps the relationship healthy.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect. That means listening without interrupting, avoiding hurtful jokes about sensitive topics, and giving each other the courtesy you’d want yourself. If a boundary is crossed (say one partner reads the other’s messages without asking), address it openly but respectfully. For example: “I feel anxious when my phone is checked without me knowing. Can we agree to trust each other’s privacy?” Handling situations like that with calm honesty is far more constructive than accusing or punishing.

Emotional Connection Matters

Beyond the practical stuff, the emotional connection – the feeling of being truly understood and cherished – makes or breaks relationships. Couples who share a deep bond often report higher happiness and longevity. Emotional intimacy comes from empathy, shared experiences, and consistent affection, not just from romance or sex.

Building emotional connection might involve:

• Quality Time: Regularly spend focused time together without distractions (no phones or work). This could be date nights, walks, or even cooking together. The key is being present.
• Open Up: Share your dreams, fears, and memories. Vulnerability breeds intimacy. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s something you’ve never told anyone else?” or “How did that experience make you feel?”.
• Small Gestures: Sometimes small acts (a hug before work, a surprise note, a gentle touch) signal love and attention. Gottman’s research shows that these tiny “bids” for connection – and your response to them – can predict relationship success.
• Appreciation and Validation: Regularly express appreciation. Thank your partner for even the small things (“I noticed you made coffee this morning, thank you – that meant a lot”). Feeling seen and valued deepens connection.
• Shared Goals and Activities: Pursue interests or projects together (a hobby, volunteering, traveling). Shared successes and even small daily routines create a sense of partnership.

How do you know if the emotional connection is strong? One expert says, “Intimacy is measured by how deeply we feel seen as our true selves”. If your partner really knows you – your quirks, worries, and joys – and accepts you, your bond is robust. If instead you’re nodding along to surface conversation or you find yourself feeling lonely even while together, it’s a sign to deepen that connection.

Table: Building Emotional Connection

Strengthening emotional ties is one of the most valuable relationship success tips you’ll find. When partners prioritize their connection, they build a secure base: a sense of “we’re in this together.” Over time, that translates to better understanding, more patience, and a relationship that can weather life’s storms.

Honesty is Essential

Honesty isn’t just the best policy—it’s a non-negotiable cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Without truthfulness, even well-intentioned efforts can crumble. Couples who try to hide their true feelings or pretend to be something they’re not often face major breakdowns down the line.

One dating-advice guide puts it bluntly: “If you’re trying to be what [your partner] wants you to be—instead of just being who you are—you’re not even really dating them; you’re dating an imaginary person… Eventually the charade will fall, and it rarely ends well.” That means ongoing dishonesty—whether about big issues or small—is one of the most common mistakes that can break a relationship.

Common honesty pitfalls include:

• Hiding Feelings: Bottling up anger or disappointment to “keep the peace” only allows resentment to fester. Instead, practice sharing feelings kindly and early.
• Omitting Details: Not telling your partner about a mistake or talking to an ex “because it seems trivial” can still break trust if discovered.
• Presenting a Front: Acting like your life is perfect when it’s not (job stress, family drama, etc.) can leave your partner feeling shut out.
• Financial Secrets: Concealing debt, purchases, or spending habits is a big red flag in marriage and serious partnerships.

How to foster honesty:

• Encourage Openness: Make it clear that honesty won’t lead to extreme punishment. If past mistakes are discussed calmly, it’s easier for both to be forthcoming.
• Admit Mistakes: Don’t try to spin or justify a wrongdoing. A sincere “I messed up, and I’m sorry” followed by action to fix it goes a long way.
• Set a Non-Judgmental Tone: If your partner shares something hard, respond with understanding, not anger. This shows that honesty will strengthen rather than harm your relationship.
• Be True to Yourself: Don’t pretend to have interests or life goals that aren’t real. A relationship built on authenticity will be far stronger.

In short, make your partnership a safe space for truth. The moment one person feels they must lie to “avoid drama” is a crack in the foundation. But when both commit to honesty—talking about their needs, fears, and even mistakes—partners can truly solve problems together rather than growing apart.

[Read more: Common Dating Mistakes to Avoid] for extra tips on being authentic and open from the start.

Neglect Kills Love

Even great relationships can fizzle if partners take each other for granted. The opposite of nurturing your bond is neglect—letting little issues slide, skipping quality time, or assuming your partner’s love is guaranteed. Over time, neglect opens the door to resentment and disconnection, quietly undoing years of happiness.

Signs of neglect in a relationship include:

• Rarely Spending Time Together: Work, hobbies, or devices always come first, leaving little “us” time. When dates or conversations dry up, partners drift apart emotionally.
• Ignoring Problems: Avoiding fights or difficult conversations doesn’t make problems vanish. Unresolved conflicts tend to resurface even stronger later.
• Fading Affection: Simple daily affection (hugging, casual compliments, hand-holding) disappears. A lack of intimacy and warmth signals detachment.
• Unequal Effort: One person constantly plans or apologizes while the other coast on autopilot. This imbalance breeds bitterness.
• Shutting Down: Silent treatments, sulking, or constantly being too “busy” to listen are forms of passive neglect.

To prevent neglect from breaking your relationship:

• Schedule Connection Time: Put it on the calendar if needed. Block off a weekly “date night” or a nightly check-in ritual. Consistent, undisturbed time together shows you care.
• Address Issues Early: Instead of sweeping problems under the rug, talk about small annoyances as they come up. For example, “When you leave socks everywhere, I feel unappreciated; can we agree on a laundry rule?”
• Keep Dating Each Other: Do things you used to love. Plan surprises or small gestures—coffee in bed, a quick compliment, running errands together. These affirm your continued interest.
• Appreciate Each Other: Verbally acknowledge the big and small contributions your partner makes. Even a quick “thank you for taking out the trash” goes a long way.
• Seek Help When Stuck: If you feel stuck in a negative pattern (like constant fighting or emotional distance), consider couples counseling. Sometimes an outside perspective can break the cycle.

Remember, a relationship is not a set-it-and-forget-it deal. It requires ongoing care, attention, and sometimes hard work. Just like a plant wilts without water, love can fade without the nourishment of time and effort. Cultivate your bond daily, celebrate small moments, and face challenges as a team. In doing so, you’ll keep the flame alive long-term.

[Read more: Relationship Success Tips for a Happier Partnership] to discover more ways to nurture your love.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

• Q: How do I improve communication in my marriage?
  A: Focus on active listening and speaking from your own perspective. Set aside regular time to talk about your day or concerns. Use “I” statements (e.g. “I feel…”) instead of blaming. Practice patience and avoid interrupting. Over time, small conversations build trust and understanding.
• Q: What are the red flags of a toxic partner?
  A: Look out for patterns of disrespect like frequent blaming, gaslighting (making you question your reality), excessive control, or verbal abuse. Toxic relationships often involve constant communication breakdowns and one partner disregarding the other’s boundaries. If you spot these traits, set clear boundaries and consider professional help.
• Q: How can I rebuild trust after it’s broken?
  A: Rebuilding trust takes honesty and consistency. Both partners should openly discuss what happened and agree on steps forward (e.g. transparency, new habits). The person who broke trust must own the mistake fully and commit to change. Over time, consistently kept promises and open communication will mend the bond.
• Q: How do I know if I’m neglecting my relationship?
  A: Check if quality time or intimacy has dwindled, or if unresolved issues pile up. Ask yourself if you regularly express appreciation and share your thoughts. If you feel more like roommates or distant friends than partners, it’s a sign neglect may be setting in. Make a conscious effort to reconnect: plan dates, talk deeply, and show affection.
• Q: Are dating mistakes really that harmful to a long-term relationship?
  A: Yes, early habits can carry over. Common dating mistakes—like ignoring red flags because of strong feelings, or not being honest about your expectations—can lay a shaky foundation. Addressing these mistakes early, or learning from them, helps you build healthier patterns. Always strive for openness and alignment in values and goals.
• Q: What are some tips for keeping the emotional spark alive?
  A: Keep doing new things together and talking about more than just the mundane (work, chores). Surprise each other with kindness, share personal dreams and listen to each other’s fears. Laugh together, support personal growth, and never stop learning what makes each other feel loved. Engaging positively with each other in daily life is key to long-term happiness.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It does not replace professional advice. Every relationship is unique—consider consulting a therapist or counselor for personalized guidance.