9 Ways To Deal With A Passive-Aggressive Spouse

This blog is for those who face passive-aggressive behavior from their spouse but don’t know how to deal with this situation. While passive-aggressive could be a personality trait or a disorder, it isn’t good for your relationship.

Let’s now waste time in debating whether it is a personality trait or a disorder and discuss signs of passive-aggressive behavior and its remedies

Understanding passive aggressive behavior

It is a passive expression of the underlying negativism according to the American Psychiatric Association. And it is exhibited in behavior like procrastination, dawdling, forgetting things intentionally, and stubbornness. Such people aren’t vocal about their resentment, but they say many things with silence.

Your spouse would remain ignorant about what you say and try to hurt you and ignite aggression in you with their passive-aggress behavior in the following ways.

1. Silent Response

You will receive a cold-shoulder attitude from your spouse every time, you expect a response. You will feel their ignorance and their non-verbal gesture could encourage you to give in to their demands. But you should believe in your strength and try leading a normal life.

2. Sarcastic Comments

You will get occasional comments from your spouse, but those comments would be sarcastic in nature and content. They could hint at your weakest point or a past mistake in the pretense of joking. While others could take it lightly, for you, it would be a subtle insult done to ignite aggression.

3. Procrastination

You will find your spouse giving lame excuses for forgetting important dates, assignments, and meetings. They will resist your authority by procrastinating things and showing their displeasure. They will try to distract your attention towards their behavior.

4. Stop Communicating

You will feel that your spouse has become unresponsive to you. They won’t notice your presence and nor they would listen to you. While their behavior could hurt you, but what they want to do is to give time to a relationship instead of discussing the underlying issues for their behavior.

5. Highlighting Your Weak Points

Your spouse knows your strong as well as weak points. But in a passive-aggressive state of mind, they will only provoke your weakness to ignite aggression in you. It is their way of showing their displeasure. They will take advantage of your weak points by highlighting them in their comments and behavior.

If your spouse is behaving in a passive-aggressive manner, you should be cautious about your response to their behavior. You need to practice restraint instead of behaving in a counter-aggressive manner.

Here’re 9 effective ways to deal with a passive-aggression

1. Maintain Your Calm

Passive-aggressive behavior is satisfying for your spouse because you are feeling insulted. Deprive them of this satisfaction by maintaining your calm. Their behavior could be hurting you, but you shouldn’t let your anger spark off with fights and arguments.

2. Write A Blog

Since you are hurt, you want to vent out your anger, and what could be the best way to relieve your mind of anger and feeling of resentment other than to write down your feelings in a diary or blog. Writing your feelings will help in controlling your anger and maintaining calm.

3. Shift Your Focus

You want to normalize your relationship with your spouse, but it doesn’t mean that you should give up on their demands. If you are resisting their demands, then you should take a firm stand. Instead of worrying about the passive-aggressive behavior of your spouse, you should shift your focus to other important things like completing your pending tasks, learning a new language, or reading a new book.

4. Set Boundaries

Stop discussing your low points or weaknesses with your partner, if they take advantage of your weak points. Also, you should let your spouse know that their passive-aggressive behavior affects your relationship. You shouldn’t let them take you for granted.

5. Stop Justifying Their Behavior

You have taken a stand in your relationship, but after some time you feel that the spouse is justified in her passive-aggressive behavior. It could happen if you feel eager to normalize the relationship. Also, your spouse could behave that it is normal for them. But you shouldn’t let the feeling that something is wrong in your relationship to go away.

6. Avoid Seeking Revenge

Never allow your aggressive behavior to vent out in the form of revenge. While it could give relief for a short time, it will make passive-aggressive behavior of spouse more aggressive. And you will never want to degrade your relationship further.

7. Take Counseling

If the passive-aggressive behavior of your spouse is making things more problematic, you should talk to a counselor. Marriage counseling can help solve the problem. You can meet a marriage counselor and discuss the underlying issues straining your relationship.

8. Shoe Empathy

Understand why your spouse is behaving in such a manner that it looks passive-aggressive. Try finding the reason behind their behavior. It could be abusive childhood, neglect by parents, financial problems, or a mental problem. In this way, you can try to help your spouse improve her behavior.

9. Identify The Triggers

Look for the triggers that force your spouse to react in passive-aggressive behavior. It could be the difference in ideologies or financial problems. Or it could be due to your culinary taste and fashion sense. You can study their behavior to find the triggers and avoid those situations to maintain calm in your relationship.

Invite your spouse for a thorough discussion to find reasons for their passive-aggressive behavior. It is only with a discussion that you can solve the problem. The discussion will help find common ground and resolve the issues forever.

Final Thoughts

If the passive-aggressive behavior of your spouse is straining your relationship and you are unable to settle the issues, it is better to talk to a marriage counselor. Try your best to save your relationship before taking the final step that is separation. If things don’t work out, it is better to part your ways amicably. It is better to come out of a toxic relationship instead of continuing it.

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